Bellica Read online

  What are you?

  Ghia felt the mental shrug of the creature. A very old being.

  Try as she might, Ghia couldn't find anything with that answer to make her wary. She just felt like it was right, that her heart was urging her to go, to get the training. She sighed. Against her heart, her logic invariably lost. I'll come, she agreed. But only if you let me see your face.

  There was a hesitation. Ghia raised her eyebrows expectantly.

  Can we compromise on the eyes? The voice said, hope tingeing her tone.

  Ghia considered a moment, and then agreed.

  Immediately beautiful eyes appeared before her, floating where they would be on a woman with Yarrow's height. They contained the colours of the earth and wisdom of the ages, and changed constantly -- from the yellow of summer flowers to the brown of good soil, to the green of grass and the purple of foxglove, flickering with a hundred emotions at once. Ghia was taken in by them -- she felt she could drink from them forever.

  "Ghia!" the sound of her name from across the hall turned her head sharply away. Jules stood at the doorway, an expectant look on his face.

  She turned back to the eyes to say goodbye, but they were gone. Hurriedly she joined Jules at the doorway, knowing she'd have no answer for what she'd been doing. The doors were closed; no one at the banquet could see or hear them. "The banquet's almost over, you know," Jules said. "Just announcements and the dessert course left, and then back to our beds to dream of bellies not so full." Ghia smiled at him and reached for the door handle, but he put a hand on her shoulder and stopped her.

  Thank Althea, she thought when she heard nothing from him.

  "Ghia," he began, then stopped, searching for words. She put a hand on his and said nothing, letting him find what he needed to say. Frustrated, he ran his other hand through his hair and started again. "Look, just because you've got everyone else fooled doesn't mean you've pulled the linen over my eyes. You can talk to me--we've been friends for how long?" His look was stern, and she felt guilty that she hid so much from him. But it's necessary.

  She sighed; looked away. "I know. I'm sorry I don't talk to you more, but most days I don't know what to say."

  He sighed in return and then suddenly, surprisingly, wrapped her in a hug. She thought of protesting but she could feel how much he needed that contact. Slowly, her arms came up and wrapped around him as she realised she needed that contact too, that sometimes it was too much to be so alone. They stood like that for a minute or two, before coming to a mutual silent agreement that they had to get back before people started to talk.

  Anala

  Not that the interesting activity in the hall had not gone unnoticed by Bellica Anala, or that she had no concern for Ghia's wellbeing--she simply chose to pay first attention to her food. There was naught she could do at the moment. Besides, Jules was with Ghia. Her childhood had taught her the importance of enjoying her food quickly, and despite the years between her and the threat of her food being taken away, she still was the first finished with her meal at any gathering.

  By the time the Healer Ghia had returned to the hall and sat down, pale and shaky, they were on the second-to-last course. It was time for announcements, if there were any. Anala hoped her regiment would be granted leave. They were weary from the Campaign, and even if they'd never complain to her, she could see they needed rest--it had been several years since their last real vacation. The same went for her, yet she had fared better than Yarrow. The First Bellica hadn't had a vacation since well before the Battle of Voco.

  Sensing the attention of the hall shifting to the main table, she put down her utensils and glass, and set her face in the Empress' direction.

  In reality, she looked anywhere but Zanny's face. Her anger burned close to the surface whenever she looked at Tenea's tormentor.

  The Empress got to her feet unsteadily. Drunk, already! She clinked a fork on her glass for attention. All conversation immediately ceased.

  "It's my very great pleasure," she said, and her voice was clear, belying the amount of wine she'd imbibed, "to announce, as a Midwinter gift and much-deserved reward for our loyal troops, one month's leave for the first, second, and third regiments, in honour of their bravery and victory on the East Campaign."

  There was a smattering of applause throughout the hall. Anala was sure her face showed the same relief apparent on Aro's and Caelum's faces. Anita and Leala smiled at each other briefly before turning back to their food. Yarrow's face was as blank as it had been since her entrance but Anala saw something flicker in the other bellica's eyes. Disbelief?

  There was an expectant pause before the Empress continued, as an afterthought, "As well, all Healers who have been tending the wounded from said campaign will be granted leave as soon as their charges are released."

  That's unfair, Anala thought. She knew how hard the healers worked, especially Ghia and Helene, but, stealing a glance at the Healers' table, she saw Ghia and the others didn't look disappointed; so she dropped it.

  The Empress then sat down and turned back to her meal, a signal to the rest of the hall they were free to do so as well.

  "A break'll be good," Aro said to her, turning to his food.

  Anala smiled and nodded, doing the same.

  Now came the dilemma of finding a vacation spot as far away from Harbourtown as Nucalif, her original choice, had been.

  Ghia

  Jourd'Aradia, 23rd Novena

  The next day, Ghia said her farewells to her friends in the regiments as they left for leave vacation--the consensus, unspoken, was to leave before the Empress changed her mind.

  Most of the goodbyes were formal, despite her closeness with some of the people. Suckers for protocol, the lot of them, she thought with a smile. Curiosity got the best of her and she'd asked each person where she would go. That Yarrow chose Harbourtown was no surprise, nor Caelum's choice of Southland. Sentiment and family, respectively, called to them. Interestingly, they were going alone to each place, and apparently had no plans of rejoining. This was not surprising to the healer as, despite the block, she could still feel Yarrow's anger and Caelum's melancholy. She hoped a month apart would give them time to work out the quarrel and move towards reconciliation.

  Anita and Leala were going to Two-Sides, which was expected as well, despite the small danger in store for bellica and majora of the third regiment. The east end of Two-Sides was technically part of Nucalif, though Anita had assured her they'd done no damage to the city on the East Campaign.

  "What would be the point in destroying one half of a city? They got the message clear enough; we don't expect any trouble," she'd said with a smile. Leala had nodded, embraced Ghia quickly, and then the two of them took off, in high spirits.

  She watched them go, waving, and then turned to Anala and Aro, who showed all evidence of leaving together. "Where are you two headed?" she asked as she drew near.

  "Not sure," replied Anala as Aro said "Aeril."

  Bellica and major exchanged glances that spoke a thousand words, and Aro kept his peace and let Anala continue. Raising her eyebrows at this silent argument, Ghia turned to Anala attentively.

  "Have na been on leave fer years, and my choice vacation spot is no more." Anala said in a low voice. Ghia nodded. She knew whereof the bellica spoke.

  "Have you not family in Harbourtown, though?"

  Anala's face closed down. Even with her powers somewhat muted, Ghia could sense years of pent-up anguish in the bellica. She felt stupid. What a blunder! Some psychic you are, Ghia!

  Anala continued with false heartiness. "It'd be a big family, ye ken, and a small house. There'd be no reason to be burdening them with a coupla tall officers, we who'd barely fit through the door!" She tried to laugh convincingly, but Ghia saw the strain in her eyes.

  Reaching out, she took Anala's hand in her own. "I understand," she said simply. The bellica looked at her with such gratitude that for a moment Ghia had trouble breathing. She smiled hastily and grabbed at formality ag
ain. "Farewell, Bellica Anala, Major Aro. I hope you journey well." Anala nodded as Aro put his arm around her, saying something about needing to leave while it was still light.

  He nodded at the healer, smiling down at her from his not-so-impressive-as-Caelum's height. "Farewell, Ghia. And thank you."

  Ghia nodded, understanding when Aro spoke for Anala. She sensed he spoke for both of them, this time.

  They swung their packs over their shoulders, headed down towards the stables. Ghia noted the closeness with which they walked, and how comfortable they seemed with each other, and felt a pang of envy. Would she ever feel so close, so at home, with anyone?

  "Don't I get a goodbye?" said a deep voice behind her, and Ghia turned to see Jules.

  She smiled. "I don't know. Have you earned one?"

  He put his hand to his chest as if an arrow had pierced it and staggered melodramatically. "Have I earned it? How you scorn my affection, damisela!" He fell to one knee and held a hand out to her, and against her own volition Ghia giggled. She reached out a hand to help him up and he leapt to his feet, granting her a dazzling smile. "My faith in your goodness is restored, m'lady," he said, and dipped a quick curtsy.

  "Though your eyesight obviously fails you, for if it did not, you would see I am no lady."

  "That's a matter of perspective." His eyes were unusually intense.

  Ghia felt the heat rising in her cheeks and spoke quickly. "So where are you headed this month, Jules?"

  He shrugged. "Despite the ice, snow, and treacherous passes," and here he grinned, "I am headed into cold, mountainous Atton, to see my father and brother. Nathaniel's last letter tells me I have a new nephew. Mind you, that last letter was quite a while ago, so I suspect the boy's grown a bit. Probably already crawling around the house and getting into all sorts of trouble. I'm sure they'll welcome me as a babysitter, at least," and his smile grew. "Forgive me, I'm rambling."

  "I don't mind. Your family sounds...nice." Brilliant, Ghia, education of the ages at your fingertips and the best adjective you can think of is "nice"? She wished fervently for the earth to swallow her up.

  But Jules smiled and agreed with her. "They are. I am overly blessed. And where are you going, once you are released from your healer's duties?"

  "When is one ever released from healer's duties?" He nodded assent. "But to answer your question, I'm staying here in Atherton."

  "You're not traveling?"

  "I have nowhere to go, no one to go with and no money to hire an escort. So it is here I stay."

  A moment passed; Ghia could almost see Jules' thought process in motion. "You know," he said, "I could wait for you to be let off and we could go to Atton together. I'm sure my family wouldn't mind."

  Ghia was taken aback. She couldn't read him as she once could and hadn't had an inkling of what he was going to say. But why should I be surprised? Jules is just the sort to make such a generous offer. I guess I just didn't think such an offer would be directed at me.

  She would've liked to accept but knew she could not, as much as for her own reasons as to afford Jules more time with his family.

  She shook her head. "No. I appreciate it, but you need time alone with your family. I have time enough to travel this lifetime."

  Jules frowned. "But how can I make sure you're taking care of yourself?"

  "I'm a healer, Jules."

  "That's what I'm worried about."

  Ghia made a frustrated noise in her throat. "Compromise? You go today and enjoy your vacation and I promise I will eat and sleep and generally be healthy in your absence."

  "Promise, huh?"

  Ghia put her hand in the air and said solemnly, "Healer's Honour."

  Jules snorted. "As if I could trust that. But I'll take your word as it stands. You better not be this thin when I come back."

  Ghia rolled her eyes. "I did survive the four months of your last absence, Jules, without your divine dietary dogma, so I think I'll be fine for a month."

  "Impertinent wench."

  "You wouldn't like me any other way," she said impishly.

  "True." He gave a wry grin, then drew her into a hug--gently, not so suddenly as last night. Ghia returned the embrace. I could get used to this.

  His next words were muffled in her hair, but she heard them and their undertones clearly in her mind, and knew part of the block was wearing away. "Even if you have that damnable healer's nature of not caring whether you live or die, remember, I do care." She heard the unspoken words that followed, words she never thought she'd hear, and ignored those quickly. She couldn't deal with those emotions right now.

  She nodded in response to what he had said aloud, and they pulled away from the embrace. "Are you riding alone, or going with the mail caravan?" she asked.

  "The latter."

  "Sun's high in the sky, Jules. Better go or you'll miss your escort."

  A whinny from outside signaled that Suki had noticed this as well.

  "That horse is as willful as you, girl," he said, looking out the door. "How'd she get out of the stables?"

  "Go, Jules, and I'll bring up your comparing me to a horse when you get back."

  He smiled down at her, and, before running out the door, leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Farewell, Healer."

  "Si vales, valeo!" she called after him.

  If you fare well, so do I. Ghia turned to go back to the hospitalis. She wasn't free yet.

  Jourd'Selene, 26th Novena

  Three days had passed and Ghia still had not gone to the North Tower. Her job was a legitimate enough excuse to delay her going, but the truth of the matter was that she was scared. Terrified is a better word, she thought as she sat down to give her aching feet a rest. She'd been on them all day, since she and Helene had given the younger healers the day off, tending to the wounded themselves with Jera and Giselle. There wasn't much left to do. Crisis and urgency had passed, giving way to tedium.

  She leaned back and closed her eyes. Her head ached and she hadn't been sleeping well. Well, at least I'm eating, she thought, remembering her promise to Jules. More of the block had worn off and without her boundaries she was continually assaulted by the thought patterns of the myriad minds surrounding her. She knew she had to go to the North Tower and receive training, as the voice bade her, but the anger at having her boundaries removed in the first place rankled. Still, there was a sense of home with the being and her curiosity was burning as to why. Maybe the mystery of my parentage waits to be solved, if only I would get up the courage to go. Yet she was reluctant to go, to meet the inevitable, irrevocable change.

  Maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing. All her life, she hadn't fit in with the people around her and though she thought she faked it pretty well, she never felt comfortable around them. She knew that if her powers were discovered, she could be ostracised by the superstitious Atherians--or worse, killed. Witch burnings were not uncommon in Athering's tumultuous history. She knew she'd been abandoned by her real parents, whoever they were, because of these powers. She didn't know her parents, and so could not hate them, but she resented them for leaving her for dead on the streets of Atherton when she was but a year old. She was still ambivalent as to whether she wanted to know them. She had a pseudo-family who loved her. Why find relatives who didn't?

  Because you need to know, a voice inside said. You need vindication.

  That was true. She wanted to know she was different, or special, because of these powers, and not just another freak with even more freakish abilities.

  She drifted on clouds of thought semiconsciously as a doze took her, and she fell into a short sleep.

  ~

  She awoke suddenly a few hours later. The clock on the wall told her the sun would be setting soon. She remembered hazy dreams: a woman with dark hair and hazel eyes, laughing, and a man with hair and eyes like her own--curly orange and green. Both tall, towering above her, and moving inexorably away. She'd cried out, reached small chubby hands to them, but they didn't hear and drifted i
nto mist, and she was left alone in the dark, shivering.

  She shook the dream from her head, and got up in search of her foster mother.

  She found Helene tending Lieutenant James, who was nearly ready to be released and angrier than ever that he was missing a single day of his vacation.

  "I could be in Mudflat now, wenching and too drunk to see straight, and you keep me here!" he was ranting as Ghia walked up. Her lips quirked in a small grin: it was no surprise James would want to spend his vacation in Mudflat, Athering's City of Sin.

  "You can't see straight while sober. I suggest you take your medicine and rest, so you may get to Mudflat in one piece," Helene responded, as she spooned the man some potion and applied tincture to his eyes. He took it sulkily. "That's a good boy. Now sleep." He glared at her, but made no move to get up. She turned away from him.

  "Ghia," she said at the sight of her daughter. "I saw you sleeping and thought it best to let you. I know how little rest you get."

  "Gracias, madre. I was coming to ask what else can be done."

  Helene shook her head. "We're done for the day, mija. Go home. Eat. Sleep."

  Ghia smiled tiredly. "Thought I did that already."

  "A siesta is not the same as a full night's rest. Now vamoose."

  Ghia kissed her mother on the cheek and embraced her briefly before leaving the hospitalis.

  No, there was no need to find her birth parents.

  Jourd'Muerta, 28th Novena

  Two more days passed before she went to the North Tower. The block had stayed steady till then and she'd almost convinced herself she didn't need to go.